TVC088 The Mojo Maker 3 Steps From Doubt To Drivers SeatApr 24, 2018
TVC088 The Mojo Maker 3 Steps From Self Doubt To Drivers Seat
It's a whole new phase for me and I'd like to bring you on the journey. This weeks podcast episode launches my new show name The Mojo Maker - for leaders in life. It's kicking off with the all too common topic of self doubt and why no one is exempt from the little voice in the back of our heads telling us "it can't be done", you're not enough".
Amongst the drive and tenacity we have to design a daily life we love, and thrive in our work and home life - is a cheeky and almost pestilent ego that sits in the back waiting for a weak moment to pounce.
From the meetings with clients and messages lately I've been receiving - it seems the ego is getting louder for us all. Our EGO is not our Amigo.
So I've nicknamed this the Self Doubt Epidemic. Here's my story lately and how to go from negative to firmly back in the drivers seat for your purpose in life.
The Self Doubt Epidemic
The epidemic that hits us all, no matter what stage, age and title in life. We feel pulled back into the stories of what we thought we should be in our careers and unsure about our future vision. Of where we think we're heading. We lose sight of being very present.
I absolutely have this too. Over the past 3 months as I worked on evolving my business and writing the next book yet the black tar, or the raven as some people call it, was thick as thieves in the back of my mind. This yin and yang and negotiation back and forth can be really, really unsettling mentally, physically and emotionally.
What happens when self doubt overrides our drive to do the work and keep moving forward? It's probably a good signal to stop, press pause and get REALLY connected on your purpose not just your profit lead activities. Going from head to heart lead can be a pivotal point for finding energy you never knew you had.
Going to YOUR next level
What happens when you reach a point in your career when you've got the title or you have the accolades, or you reach this time with your family?
Maybe you sold a business or you developed into C-suite role, you've just sent your last child off to university and the house is quiet. You look up and think, is this it - or now what?
Most of the people I work with on a day-to-day basis or that I'm fortunate enough to hang out with are really high-achieving performers in areas of life. Whether your a at home entrepreneur, an athlete, artists, a CEO or if they're just developing great careers inside organisations there is this massive commonality that causes a ripple in the ocean for courage and conviction in what we do: "Am I enough, and is it ever enough?"
Where ever you are right at this point - is exactly where you need to be. You are ENOUGH. It is ENOUGH. Practicing the art of recognising that is
Mojo is Being in the NOW and knowing you are Enough.
BE YOURSELF AND DO THAT REALLY REALLY WELL
Firstly: Do not compare or judge
We're so good at looking to other people and assuming we know all about them and where they might sit just because of what they might post on social media or they might present to us in one form, of who they are. We just don't know the full story. Stop looking outward and just really enjoy the journey for yourself. Do the work.
Being aware means creating a short chemistry check emotionally not just in your head.
- Repeat the mantra - I am enough, it is enough.
- Do a stakeholder inventory: What things in your life, what projects, jobs and tasks and people and activities deplete you when you walk away, where you're just exhausted and it's not the best use of your time?
- What clients, connections and colleagues just are not bringing out the best in you, and why is that? So making that list is really crucial, that inventory.
- On the right hand side, really thinking about what completes you, what lights you up, where do you thrive? Where do you add value the most? Where do you feel that your value is most respected as well?
- What if you could take the pressure off yourself and realise this enormous amount of experience, trust, and gut instinct that you have already?
Secondly: stop thinking 'sacrifice' and aim for seamless
We're always telling ourselves that it's give up something, an enormous sacrifice, to achieve in one area. What really makes this life count is when you take what's not on paper, the intangible elements of who you are as a person.
Your personality, your personal brand, the way you interact with people, the way that you love your job, and what drives you. Work and home need to be seamlessly integrated into your week. You need to be your true self in both areas of life and understand what drives you for a more seamless result rather than constant negotiation.
- What really sits behind your why
- What gets you up in the morning
- What makes you want to solve things for your customers and clients, and be a great leader for the staff you have.
- What makes you a fantastic mother or father or partner, and be the best version of yourself.
Life is about progress. It's not about perfection.
Here are the 3 steps I use to overcome self doubt and sabotaging behaviour.
Do The Work
Step One: Be Aware
Recognising the story, recognising where that doubt comes, and being able to move through it, is the first step.
Being aware of that is the greatest gift you could ever have, and not pushing that emotion down. It's very, very important that as humans, in life, we actually don't push those things away, but we listen to our bodies and our intuition and our true gut.
Is your head is busy with all these 'blurts'
why something's not going to happen, why you're not going to get that deal, you don't trust that person, they don't see the value in you, that relationship's not going work due to insecurities that you've got... exhausting!
Without a level of awareness and personal honesty, being able to accept the responsibility for the story you're telling yourself, you'll just continue to stay in that cycle.
So the first step of self-doubt is really being aware that there's a little voice in your head that is trying to take you off-kilter.
- Write everything down.
Get back to pen to paper, and to get things out of our head and onto paper to see the as Julie Cameron from The Artists' Way calls them, the blurts and affirmations.
You know that you're a capable, intelligent, driven, fantastic human. So where does the doubt come in?
Because of all these different stories. The comparison, the judgement , that whatever you're doing is not enough or perhaps that you don't feel enough. Wherever your upbringing is. Whether you've had everything in your upbringing or you had nothing, those are the two defining polarising characteristics.
One of the books that I'll link back to, of course you've heard this before if you've listened to my show is Mike Duff, The Power Within, of really knowing that you are enough.
The only way to do that is to remember to come back to being present, you can reboot that hard drive. You can change and adapt your core beliefs with a level of awareness that goes beyond being on autopilot.
Step Two: Share it.
The second part of getting rid of self-doubt is voicing self-doubt, not just with yourself, but leaning in. And Brene Brown says this beautifully - lean into that vulnerability.
Who in your trusted sources network you know deep down just really gets it? They have fought hard, they have done the work, they understand self-doubt and grit, and tears and success is all part of evolution. They also know you.
One of our bigger afflictions when we're leaders in life is that we don't want to be vulnerable, we feel it's going to undermined our credibility, it's going to undermine our value, what we're selling, whether it's in a personal or commercial way.
There are many, many people who have stood in your shoes, and there are many people out there who are willing to help. You need to be able to ask for it.
Just know that your honesty and transparency in a certain way, will endear and give you more credibility than ever before. Because authenticity overrules performance.
Leadership comes from leading from within, leading by example, and only then you can lead others.
So if you want your family to display behaviours of honesty and transparency and awareness, then you have to start with yourself. And that family might be your personal family, it could be your business family.
- You Create Your Culture - Do So With Grace and Humility
- Choose people who want you to be the best version of yourself. Ensure the person you reach out to wants to see you succeed. Be clear on who's really your champions, who are your raving fans and who are your negative Nancy's.
Step Three: Do The Work
So you're aware of the monkeys on your back, you're aware you've got the raven on your shoulder, you're aware that this black tar is sitting there blocking your creativity, your vision, your drive, your passion, your energy. Yes, you can push through it but that's not really the point.
"Some men dream of worthy accomplishments while others stay awake and do them."
Peacefulness comes from knowing that you don't need to be all things for all people. You need to do the work yourself.
So if you are doing distraction tactics i.e. pouring yourself into someone's problems and you're ignoring your own what are you really avoiding thinking about?
Have you really sat down and looked at what you value the most? It could have changed. With Fitpreneur I always get most of my leaders to sit down and do values exercise again.
- What is your kryptonite?
- Where/how do you operate best? Where don't you?
- Who do you operate best with? Who don't you?
- What value do you bring, what is your mystery or secret source? What lights you up? And how are you going to do that daily?
Wrapping it up:
Working in your Mojo is a daily practice
If you're an entrepreneur or leader, if you're someone that just wants to do something special with your life, please don't dim your light just because everyone else is afraid of getting off the railroad tracks. There is a beautiful road that is less travelled, and it's your one. Just keep doing the work.
Do you think that Buddhist monks come out of a monastery and they've got their certificate, and waving it in the air like, "Woo! I'm certified, I don't have to do any more work ever again in my life"? That's just absolutely not the way it goes.
- Do the work daily on being the best version of ourselves.
- Look at things with a fresh perspective.
- Step back from an issue, walk away from the email, really put ourselves back into the present.
So on that note and a rather long post today, please reach out if you're waking up at 2am and getting stuck with anxiety, you feel like the weight of the world (or the company) is on your shoulders. Just drop a line in the contact form below.
More information on the Vitality road map, the Mojo Maker, Fitpreneur and Vitality: The Book are all on my website. Hit me up if you've got questions, want to come along to a legacy lunch or Book A Coaching Session