TMM108 The Courage To Be Disliked

confidence courage to be disliked goals leadership monday mojo motivation nikki fogden-moore pioneer self doubt success Nov 18, 2019


Welcome back to The Mojo Maker podcast - episode 108 talking all about the courage to walk your own path and why, when we start leading we may feel like we loose the support of others or ‘just don’t fit in’.

I was going through the “questions for Nikki” that some of you have sent in about what your biggest challenges are.  For many of my Monday Mojo readers who are leaders and founders a trend popped out -

“how do we keep our Mojo and walk our own path - even if it means accepting not everyone’s going to like it….’

I.e. to lead by example instead of follow others - and to forge your own path at the risk of “not fitting in” anywhere else. 

Great leaders:

- Display a sense of “courage” in one way or another 

-  Understand the importance of grounded decision making and trusting their gut vision even at the most challenging moments. 

- It might not be easy but they aren’t afraid to make tough calls if it’s the right one to take

- Thrive on creating something new, a discovery, an idea, a process or a project that lights them up -

A Sense Of Purpose Is A Privilege

I’ve just spent the last 3 days with my family in the very south of the North Island NZ, celebrating my fathers 90th birthday. It was truly special. 

A pioneer in so many ways, Dad never really paid too much attention to what anyone else thought of him or what others were doing. Or if he did he hid it well.

When something got to him - he didn’t let disbelievers or nee-sayers get in the way of his deep purpose. Even when the chips were down - there was no stopping Trevor.

However it wasn’t easy for him - seeing opportunities everyone else didn’t, taking the risks, and overcoming challenges. Starting from absolutely nothing.

My father taught me that with courage comes responsibility. It can feel isolating at times and you really need to be able to trust yourself and that “hunch” above anything else. 

The one constant is that he choose his inner circle very carefully and fostered a sense of collective pride for those who worked with him and alongside him. 

- He shard his vision and the wins.

- Through the good and the bad.

Feeling Disliked - aka Not Fitting In?

You may be reading this and feel that you’ve always felt  just a little bit different from so many others around you.

You’ll probably easily do more hours in your work as it is your passion, prepared to take some risks, see some sights and put your ideas on the line. Manage your day to day world differently. 

The world always needs risk takes and game changers, The pioneers and the inventors and innovators. We also really need the good values that get passed down to ensure a legacy and positive ripple effect occurs as a result.

  • Communicate to your inner circle - don’t keep them in the dark
  • Inspire others with your vision and ensure you share the wins along the way they are a part of co-creating
  • Make the tough but necessary decisions with grace and humility - and ALWAYS recognise your true supporters. 

As I said a couple of weeks ago  - If you don’t leap you won’t fly - My Dad taught me this. He also reinforced the importance of significance in others along the way. Of generosity, of kindness and of never doing something at the expense of someone else.

Kindness Is Key

Be clear, be kind, be courageous - not everyone will like what you’re doing (most probably because it doesn’t fit their mould) - and that’s OK. Your most important job on this planet is to be the VERY BEST version of yourself.

1. To take life by both hands
2. Use that magic brain of yours
3. Follow your heart (and the hunch) it knows the way.

So like so many great people who achieve good things - Trevor was not a man of living in a story  (stuck in the can’t or shouldn’t). He was a man of getting things done, being accountable for your actions and taking the reigns. 

He had the courage to make some tough decisions and also design a life that he and my mother loved.

With that in those days (just like these ones...) he had the courage to be disliked. 

If you know me you’ll understand that I have a real conviction to support the leaders (and their teams) who I work with - to not look back at what others think. But to harness their vision, connection to incredible ideas not done before and back them when they feel they are standing alone.

“Sometimes you feel you’re out there on your own and no one else is doing the same”.

Well, you are probably on to something! Don’t give up.

To those of you who are defying the odds, who are inventing, investing, innovating and being 100% committed to living and building your purpose and backing your ideas.

- To not fitting in
- To not toeing the line
- To not caring about others opinions - but to feel the fear and do it anyway

- If you LOVE it - GO DO IT, don’t let something (or someone even)  that creates so much passion inside and deep fire in your belly slip away because you are so busy pleasing others or living by past rules (who invented those anyway.....)

Have the courage to bring your best. Having the courage to be disliked.

I hope this gives you a little bit of guidance to trust yourself and the book The Courage To Be Disliked by Ikiro Kishimi is a great read...

Be the hero of your own story.

Yours in Mojo
Coach Nikki x 

The Courage to be Disliked shows you how to unlock the power within yourself to become your best and truest self, change your future and find lasting happiness.

Using the theories of Alfred Adler, one of the three giants of 19th century psychology alongside Freud and Jung, the authors explain how we are all free to determine our own future free of the shackles of past experiences, doubts and the expectations of others.

It's a philosophy that's profoundly liberating, allowing us to develop the courage to change, and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us can place on ourselves.  If you’re serious about leading in your life this is a MUST read.


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Nikki Fogden-Moore, known as the Mojo Maker, specialises in working with CEO's, entrepreneurs and high achievers in creating the life they want. Nikki divides her time between private coaching, Corporate Vitality, Boardroom and bespoke retreats, workshops and presenting.


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