How To Stop People Pleasing - Transform your energy into better things

stop people pleasing Aug 12, 2022

How To Stop People Pleasing - Transform your energy into better things 

As we all know, you can't pour from an empty cup. 

It doesn't matter what you do or who you are, you can't and will not be able to please everyone. Fact.

You will no doubt, invariably at some point (or many times), throughout your life 'disappoint, annoy, trigger, frustrate or create a negative reaction' for some one.

It is absolutely vital especially in today's climate that you ensure your oxygen mask is on first and learn to discern where your energy should flow.

Remember: Someone pointing at you:blaming and shaming,  is 3 fingers pointing back at the person who throws out the judgement. 

People who usually throw their opinions out safely behind a keyboard or a digital device, or gossip with others but not direct to you - are not worth worrying about.

  • Quite simply - you have better things to be worrying about. 

Easier said than done. However this is part of emotional maturity. Handling negative comments and feedback with grace.

  • Facing your own fears as to why it disrupts, and putting a process in place professionally and even personally to set healthy boundaries that are kind yet clear.

Discern who and what opinions TRULY matter. Quietly learn to ignore the rest.

Bullying happens for adults as much as it does for kids. It can have the same dire level of repercussions as well. 

Back yourself. 

Talk to a trusted source and be confident to work through negative feedback and learn what matters vs what is just hot air.

Dealing with the Nay-sayers:

Cyber comments, gossip and negative reviews where they are truly not warranted can be harmful and demotivating at the very least. However we cannot stop the population from complaining, blaming and shaming if that's what human nature can be (for some).

1. Lead by example. Before you hastily comment, be negative, project or say something diminishing just for the sake of it = would you like that to happen to you?

2. Trust yourself. Fundamentally the more you trust yourself and align with what makes you happy - you will find the absolute less you really care about all the reasons, rhymes and that 9 out of 10 ridiculous judgements  have no bearing on you, your life, or your work. Let it go

3. Call out and report cyber bullies, follow the process for office and school bullying, shut down gossip and second hand information whenever you can. 

4. Saying "no thank you" is a complete sentence. 

Considered constructive feedback:

Anyone worth the consideration will generally provide feedback or a response or comment that can be followed up by a conscious and constructive conversation.

  • This even relates to ensuring your clients and your loved ones are happy (as long as it does not unreasonably cannibalise yourself).

- Accept the feedback graciously but pause before you respond, shift your actions and react.

- Is it warranted? Is it constructive? It is a valuable insight and helpful to make your relationship or service better and more meaningful?

- Sometimes we are very quick to apologies and I recommend allowing some reflection before you respond both professionally and personally.

3 core reminders: 

A) you cannot reason with an unreasonable person.

B) you cannot and will not be able to meet everyone's needs. 

C) your inner circle and direct ecosystem is the most important. Including friends, family, customers and those who interact with you on a regular basis and their opinions do matter however still within reason..why?

Putting yourself, your business, your happiness or your finances at risk to appease another person is not ok. Please get solid advice before you pivot and shift to adjust to unreasonable expectations. 

Step away from people pleasing and: 

Be yourself and do that really well! We all have something unique to offer, contribute and connect on.

  • Following your ideas, purpose and what you are guided to really want to do in a way that genuinely and consistently adds value and makes you happy is a crucial ingredient.
  • Relationships thrive when authentic collaboration and connection exists.
  • Content is more meaningful when you right with that ideal person in mind who you really want to reach and support, help, inspire or engage with.
  • Products have more value and impact when they are created with a purpose and clarity that may be for the few or the many - but the founding idea is one of needs and wants being met.
  • Most probably you were drawn into a lifestyle, a job, creating a product or a service that you want to have for yourself or really associate with.  Gravitate to where your skills go and if it's a hobby to balance a job that's great too. Just make sure you have an outlet to live your full potential. 

Maybe you're not experiencing this people pleasing issue, or even find it an issue. However, there will be someone close to you who will.

Maybe they need some support and advice on radical self belief and not letting others steal their mojo. Pay it forward.

Support, share and ALWAYS celebrate the good. We don't give compliments out enough. So here's one. I really appreciate you being part of this mojo and your feedback and requests for more content mean the world to me. 

Stay radical, 

Nikki  

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