RSB157 Why Shouldatives are bad for you

Season #4 Episode #157

Why "Should-atives" are bad for you

Are you running your life on should do's, they should have, it should have, I should do's?.

In this little episode I remind you that your mindset is like a mental gym. You have to flex the muscles that you want to be the strongest. So do you want to work out the negative mindset of lack and it’s not enough or reframe this to a more positive mindset of what could happen next and instead of looking back.

As I finished recording this episode 157, I was receiving some voicemails from people that were really struggling shifting their mindset from all the things they “should” have done, what “should’ve” happened and the fact they’re feeling isolated and alone and that things weren’t working out.

There are some crucial elements we need to deploy personally now to ensure our mental acuity is of high priority. 

In order to release a feeling of restriction, lack and loss, regret, shame and guilt - we HAVE to reframe the constant flexing of the negative SHOULDATIVES and replace the next thought with one of potential

-  what you can do as the next right thing and to not get stuck in looking back or projecting fear and negativity onto others.

To me this is in the small elements that are based in neuroscience which is about retraining the brain to replace our negative old scripts with curiosity and possibility.

This can’t happen without radical dedication to being aware of all the “shouldatives - they should - I should that - it should that ….

Shouldatives we say on a daily basis to ourselves either about our projects, our habits, or how other people should treat us.

In order to flip and reframe negative thinking, lack and interference on what could possibly be joy: we actually need self discipline to choose the second thought and make it one about a “could do” - a possibility, and a positive outcome based on the next right step.

Ultimately whatever happens in our own conversations with ourselves and how we set up our day and treat others is the one thing we can control.

We might not get our thinking perfect but that’s not the point. What we need to do is ensure we replace the first thought with curiosity for the second, that we allow ourselves the probability to flex a positive mental muscle more often than the negative and that retraining will create a new reality.

Radical self belief is not bravado when it is grounded in a sense of calm and good communication. That “reframing” discipline needs to start with the conversations we have with ourselves (awareness of observation rather than judgement), the accountability to refine and review and the ability to take action based on integrity and leading by example.

For how to do a lot of this and move yourself out of overwhelm and into calm - grab a copy of the book I’m so proud of Radical Self Belief - the essential roadmap for sustainable success.

A book for great change with grace from within. 

As always you are in the driver’s seat of life : choose small things to shift tiny coordinates that end up with great destinations and thanks for listening.

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🤓⚡️ Nikki